Wow, where has the time gone? While July and August seemed to go so slowly, September and October have flown by with constant travel and activity. I guess my blog writing is now on an every two month time schedule, apologies for anyone wanting more frequent updates, but life is moving fast (in the very best way!)
I didn’t realize how badly I needed to write that last blog, it felt like a weight off having admitted that this summer has been hard. I am also acutely aware that my ‘hard’ is so inconsequential compared to the tragedy and conflict occurring in our world. At the center of my struggles this summer has been the battle between my head and my heart. In my soul plan class, my medium shared that there are three central fears that shape all human experience: trust (of yourself and others), abdondment, and self worth. This summer I have been been challenged in all three and have had to dig deep to pull myself back up again. In doing so, it has been a balance of honoring how my heart is feeling (lonely, abandoned, unloved, unworthy) while my brain is observing that my life is pretty damn easy in the whole scheme of things. Finally, through writing, I can embrace both as true at the same time. I do not take my privilege for granted and am thankful to be living a life filled with rewards from my hard work and a husband who was focused on my stability after he was gone. Working through all of this over the summer has brought a higher level of clarity, about myself and others. I’ve been able to look deeply and can see that actions tell the truth of character, not words. The only thing I can control is my own actions and who I allow to have access to me and my energy.
I looked at the odometer of my car yesterday and in one year, I will have travelled over 22k miles. Much of that was driving back and forth from Arizona twice, but this summer has been full of road trips. In early September, I went on an epic road trip that will shape my life well into the future and it was exactly the shift that I needed as I move into this next phase of life.
When I was a little girl, like many others, I went through my horse crazy phase. I distinctly remember reading “Misty of Chincoteague”, had all the plastic horses and asked for a horse for every birthday and christmas for some time. Luckily for us all, my parents both grew up with horses and knew the level of commitment needed. Their very firm “no” was the right answer. Over the years, my sister and I always sought out opportunities to ride when travelling. Seeing the racehorses at the Kentucky Derby highlighted this long lost love that still held a piece of my heart. Over the summer, I have been slowly acquiring the gear that I’d need to not only learn to ride (both western and english) but also work around a barn, all without knowing exactly how I was going to start my horsemanship journey. My friend Abby, who is an experienced horsewoman, has been sharing her experience and encouraged me to check out a horse camp in Montana which is very special to her. In early September, she forwarded a post from the camp sharing that they had a few last minute cancellations and had openings for the next week. I guess it was a good thing I’d been gathering my gear, because I jumped on the opportunity.
I was already headed to Sun Valley, Idaho for my annual gravel cycling event so figured I could make a swing through Montana and spend the first three days of the week at the horse camp. Turns out the simplicity of that statement vastly underestimated the actual distance involved, I ended up driving 25 hours over the course of 8 days. The horse camp is called Sweet Grass Ranch, located in Melville, MT, an hour north of Big Timber, nestled in the Crazy Mountains, at the very end of a long gravel road the travels through a valley full of grazing cattle. It is very remote in all the most perfect ways, no cell service (although they have good wifi), surrounded by the mountain peaks, a level of quiet only interrupted by the sounds of nature
Over the course of three days, I spent 10 hours in the saddle on 6 rides travelling through the valley and into the mountains. We were all assigned a horse for the week and mine was Barney, an older gentleman who was the perfect partner to teach me those very first lessons. It was such an amazing experience that I am already booked to come back next year and stay for the whole week.
On the last evening before I departed to Sun Valley, we rode bareback into the hills for a dinner in the field with the horses. Riding bareback was an entirely new experience and I was glad that Barney was in charge. As we rode over the rise to where the other horses had spent the day, all the horses started calling to each other. As we rode into the field, all of the horses ran over to greet us. They have a herd of about 60 horses, a horse works for one week and then gets to rest for two. It was so cool to see the dynamics of the herd and to be right in the middle of it. I had to leave the dinner early to get on the road before dark so walked back to my car by myself. As I was walking through the field, four horses approached me and I stood there quietly with my hands out. Two put their noses into my hands and the other two were smelling my face and hair. It was like a big horse hug and I knew at that moment that horses would continue to be a part of my life moving forward.
Not sure if I included it the last blog (too lazy to go see), but I fell while running this summer and injured my shoulder which took me out of competing in the Ironman 70.3 that I was signed up for. I wasn’t terribly disappointed as ideally I’d like to have another year to get ready. I still had one more race on the calendar, Rebecca’s Private Idaho, a gravel cycling event in Sun Valley ID. I love this event and the people involved, but it will be changing in coming years. So I wanted to make this last trip a good one. I knew my shoulder would not hold up for a long gravel ride on washboards but I really wanted to tackle the Trail Creek Climb which I’ve done once before. It is a 4 mile climb at 6-8% gradient, just a constant grind up on washboard roads. I decided that my “race” for the day would be to get to the top of the climb and then turn around back to the finish line. The weather was cold but clear and the climb went better than I had hoped. The descent made it very obvious that something was seriously wrong with my shoulder.
After returning from that roadtrip, I had a week to get ready for the trip to Arizona while also squeezing in my 40th HS reunion. It was a week filled with lunches, dinner and every opportunity to connect with my WA people before heading south for the winter. The last four drives to and from AZ, I have done solo with the dogs, we have our routines and it works well. The only unknown is the lodging along the way, which has been hit or miss. When thinking about the drive down this year, my friend Melissa shared that she wanted to drive their motorhome coach down since her husband was staying in Walla Walla until November. So we started planning an epic road trip and hit the road on October 3rd.
The travel went really smoothly, I am just so impressed with her ability to navigate that massive rig! We stopped in Mountain Home, ID, Ely and Las Vegas, NV and arrived in Phoenix on October 7th. I stayed on the couch in her rig and it was so nice to travel with someone!
2 women, 2 cars, 4 dogs and a big ass motorhome
Back to my shoulder, my physical therapist in WA did his initial assessment and thought it was a torn labrum. Rather than waiting to be seen in Richland, I started the process of getting accepted into the Mayo Clinic here in Phoenix. I was able to get an appointment the day after we arrived. My parents have always raved about Mayo based on when they lived here and their time now in Jacksonville. Having experienced their level of care first hand, I now understand the hype. In the span of two hours, I had xrays, had an initial consult with a surgeon, had an MRI and could see my results in my online chart. I had a follow up call with the surgeon a few days later and the diagnosis was thankfully that I did not need surgery. I have a nearly full tear of my rotator cuff (in the front) of my right shoulder. I’ve been doing physical therapy for three weeks and have seen huge improvements. Feeling very fortunate to have avoided that surgery and the long difficult recovery!
Only a few days later, I headed to the east coast for a BGCA meeting in Providence, RI and a side trip to Newport to visit the mansions. I then headed to NYC for a weekend with my sister, sister-in-law and twin nieces to celebrate their 18th birthday. We saw Harry Styles in concert (amazing), two Broadway musicals, shopped, ate, walked through Central Park and rode the subway all over. We packed so much into that weekend and had a blast. We’re already starting to think about next year’s trip to celebrate my 60th.
With all of the set up done, life is now settling into a normal routine. It’s a perfect balance of things I’m doing on my own and things that we do as a group. We have started bowling once a week which has been so much fun. I’ll start golfing in a ladies league once my shoulder PT is done. I volunteer with horses twice a week and am also doing (some) training for next year’s racing season. Last year I felt like a visitor in AZ, now it feels like my second home. My return dates are starting to shape up and I’ll be back in WA by the end of March. I know that the next 4 months will fly by.
Now back to my horse era, I had started to research horse rescues in Phoenix over the summer. One stood out to me based on the level of detail on their website. I applied to be a volunteer and was accepted, I have now been volunteering for three weeks at After the Final Stretch horse rescue. This rescue helps retrain retired thoroughbred race horses and get them ready for adoption. I wake up at 5:30 am on Tuesdays and Fridays, on the road by 6:15, get to the rescue around 7:00 and spend the next 3 hours filling hay bags, cleaning water troughs, cleaning stalls, putting on fly masks, prepping the afternoon mash and loving on the horses when they want it. I walk away covered in dirt, hay, and sweat, smelling like horse shit and am completely exhausted, but I love it so much. There is something magical about standing in front of a massive creature, looking up into their huge eyes and having them touch you and smell your face. I’m now starting to explore options to take horsemanship and riding lessons. Still have not intent on owning a horse at any point, I am just so happy to spend time with them.
My boyfriend Vinnie, who is the most handsome and sweetest boy.
My birthday was last weekend and as I enter the last year of my fifties, I am filled with hope for this next year. The last two have challenged me in ways that I could never anticipated and there were times where I didn’t know how to move forward. But I know that I am stronger coming out of this period an am looking forward to what the next chapter of my life brings!