Despite what some people say, the velocity of life has not slowed down one bit since my retirement two weeks ago! Much of that is self imposed, suffice it to say that I am looking forward to starting my drive to Arizona tomorrow. The long days on the road will be a bit of relief after the last few weeks, I’m tired but excited for this next leg of the journey. I’ve finished everything on my list so am watching the Mariner’s game and taking a moment to reflect.

My last week at PNNL could not have been more perfect. I was able to connect with so many special people, I left with a deep appreciation for how these people have shaped my life. And in turn, how I have shaped theirs and the organization. I had wanted to avoid having a retirement party but my team and friends were adamant that we were going to celebrate. They pulled off the best retirement happy hour I could have hoped for, it was casual, at a local winery were we could be outside and there were no speeches. I was so touched by everyone who came, spanning all eras of my career.

*Just a few of my favorite people at my retirement party, the smiles say it all.*

After over a year, I finally tacked on a race number and toed the line for an athletic event. This was a local 5k, there was still walking but it was great to finish with Dale Fuller who I’ve volunteered with a lot for local races. He is a former cross country coach so we had a lot to talk about. It felt good to get back out there! Unfortunately, my training has taken a back seat as I have been preparing to head south for a few months but I know the warm weather will be a motivator to pick it back up.

*Dale Fuller, former Pasco HS Cross Country Coach and I at the Race for Recovery 5k.*

After turning in my badge at PNNL, I was unemployed for 19 hours before signing on with a small consulting firm, McCallum Turner. I’ve known both of the owners and have a lot of respect for them and the work that they do. Their business model is perfect for my situation, there are no sales targets and I’m responsible for finding my own scope. I have a handful of people and organizations who want my help and I’m excited to support them. I will not be working full time, we’re finalizing my first contract now and it will be between 10-20 hours a weeks depending on their needs. I will continue with my volunteer roles with Boys & Girls Clubs, so I know I won’t be bored.

My fifth wheel was picked up on Monday, 9/29 and I flew to Arizona on Wednesday to meet the driver at the RV park. This was the first time this driver, Ken, had pulled my trailer and he did a great job. He even washed my trailer at a truck stop so that it was clean. I’ll hire him again next spring to bring it back to Washington. I was so glad that I went down early to get everything organized. I was able to get patio furniture and a storage shed ordered and hired a contractor to extend the pavers within my spot. The park was still pretty empty, I guess everyone isn’t quite so excited that they arrive on the first day. I absolutely love my spot, there is a big citrus tree in the back and the house behind me has flowers along the back of their lot. I am excited to set up my outside space with pots full of desert plants. I also met my neighbors from Minnesota and they were very nice. My plan is to spend the rest of October and November and then head home for the holidays and my kid’s birthdays. I’ll return in February after my trips to Kauai and Vietnam and stay into April. The weather here has really started to turn and I feel the pull to get to warmer weather.

As with my other trips in the RV, this is one of the places where I feel Obie’s absence the keenest. When I am this busy, I find that my sleep gets disrupted, waking up in the middle of the night with my mind working through all of my mental lists. Combine a few days of non-stop activity with not great sleep, topped with random songs on Spotify and the sharp edge of grief got me. I know without a doubt that Obie speaks to me through songs, music has always been a part of our love story. I will often pick playlists generated by Spotify. On every camping trip this year, there has been a song that plays over and over which is one that I wouldn’t listen to otherwise. In this case it was “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra. It was the first song that came on, I stood in the kitchen listening to these words and lost my shit.

I've been waiting for you
To come around and tell me the truth
'Bout everything that you're going through
My girl, you've got nothing to lose

Cold nights and the Sunday mornings
On your way and out of the grey

I've got time, I've got love
Got confidence you'll rise above
Give me a minute to hold my girl
Give me a minute to hold my girl
Crowded town or silent bed
Pick a place to rest your head
Give me a minute to hold my girl
Give me a minute to hold my girl

I've been dreaming 'bout us
Working hard and saving it up
We'll go and see the man on the moon
My girl, we've got nothing to lose

Obie’s ring tone for me was “My Girl” and that’s what he often called me. During our day to day life, I was usually the busy one and I don’t often sit still for long. I’m also not good about sleeping in (see earlier note about my overactive brain.) The one place I could usually sleep in was when we were camping. Obie would still get up early, but I could usually sleep later. One of our camping traditions was that I would crawl into his lap upon waking up and sit for a few minutes before starting my day. It usually didn’t last as long as he would have liked, but he would always say that was the favorite part of his day. So this song hit hard, and of course, it came on several more times over the course of the time I was in Arizona. But the good news is that after that jagged, ugly cry in the kitchen, I felt so much better. Beforehand, I was tired and worn down. Afterwards, I had a renewed energy and it felt as though a cloud had been lifted.

Another way that Obie impacted my life over the last few weeks is with my car. The day before I was flying to Arizona, the AC went out in my car, and then the temperature gauge wasn’t working and then the check engine light came on. It was a nerve wracking drive to the airport at 3:30 am that morning, hoping that my car would get me there. Tyler was waiting on standby if I needed him, but luckily it made it there. He then took it over to the dealership so they could get started on it. I loved my XT6 and had planned on keeping it for a few more years, but we had built a new car into my financial plan at some point. My route to Arizona is going to take me through some desolate parts of Nevada as I’m minimizing my drive time for this first time. I need to trust what I am driving, the last thing I want is to be stuck in the middle of anywhere with the dogs dealing with car trouble. When the initial report indicated that it needed a new radiator and thermostat to start with, I started to think about my options. After doing some research, I test drove a Cadillac Vistiq which is an all electric version of my XT6, which Cadillac is discontinuing. Once they took me in the back to see the black model with cream interior, my inside voice said “that is my car”. All of the details with getting a new car has added to my load this past week, but I am so happy to have something that I can trust for this long road trip. Planning for charging stops will coincide with break for the dogs and I won’t be in a hurry anyways. I shudder to think of these issues with my old car starting a few weeks later, what a nightmare. So I’m chalking that up to Obie wanting me to be in a car he could also trust (just go with me on that one!)

I was able to finish up the remodel of our upstairs office this weekend. I probably could have waited to do this, but I had gathered all of the art for the walls and was able to sell both my full time office furniture and the heavy wood office furniture that was Obie’s. Since I won’t be working full time, I could go more for look than function. It makes me so happy to see the quilt flag that Lauren made next to all of my Lisa Congden artwork. It also matches how the rest of the upstairs is progressing. I don’t have any other remodel plans until later next summer.

I’ve shed a lot more tears than I expected over the last few weeks, some happy tears and others from sadness. But I can tell that they are a reflection of my situation and I’d rather feel the highs and lows, than to not feel at all. I hope you are embracing all of your feelings as we head into a new season.

My oh my! The Mariner’s have won game 1 of the ALCS. Good thing I have my M’s gear ready to go to AZ. I’ll probably share some updates from the road over the next few days. Giddy up, let’s go!

Therapeutic benefits of an ugly cry

Solo, but never alone