Peace found in a playlist
I’ve had several people comment “you can’t retire, what would you do with all of your time?” I laugh and tell them I have plenty of things to fill my time outside of work. Today was a perfect example, my day began with getting organized for the week. I started this routine in January to keep track of everything while my brain was consumed with grief. On Sunday night or Monday morning, I use a planning calendar to write out all of my commitments throughout the week, both work and personal. I also capture what things need to be done each day which gives me a roadmap for the week. Once I had this week laid out, I spent a few hours at my computer, getting caught up on work messages, finished a presentation for one of my volunteer organizations and cleaned up the basement. I then gathered my clothes for the BGCA national conference in San Diego, I’ll travel tomorrow with meetings starting on Wednesday. After that, I headed out to a peditation appointment, a gift from my friend Wendy (it’s a pedicure but you zone out under a weighted blanked, eye mask and headphones, and it is as wonderful as it sounds!) I had an appointment at 3:00 so headed to the Red Cross for my power red donation. This type of donation takes a bit longer because they centrifuge out the red blood cells and return the platelets and plasma back into my body. I’ve found that my body responds to this type of donation better than others and the Red Cross loves it because my blood type of O+.
Throughout the last week, I built the playlist that Obie had outlined for his celebration of life. I hadn’t looked at the songs that closely and some of them I had not listened to before. It wasn’t until I started listening to the songs carefully that I realized this was not a random collection of songs that he liked, it’s a very intentional collection of messages. There are a few mixed in that are his favorite artists and songs, but many of them hold very specific meanings.
Over the weekend, we took the RV out to Charbonneau (a local campground) for the annual shake out cruise. Our friends, Deb and Charles, had reservations and invited me to join them. This has been a tradition where we test out all of the systems to make sure everything is working before we go farther away for longer camping trips. At least half of the time, there has been something that needed to be fixed and this year was no exception. We had discovered a water leak last fall in our first trip in the new RV. We thought it had been fixed but based on the pools of water on the floor and ground under the rig, there’s still work to do. RV camping was something that Obie introduced me too, he was most relaxed sitting around a campsite with a coffee or beer, visiting and telling stories. Most of our camping trips pre-Covid were at Charbonneau. I was anticipating this trip to be difficult given all of the memories, but it was much easier than expected.
Tyler has quickly mastered everything associated with the trailer and is actually much faster, something I am quite sure Obie is shaking his head at while also being proud of him. I brought Cole out to spend the night and then Emily and Eva came out to join us the next day. We could all feel Obie’s presence with us and we honored him while making new memories. On the last night, we had a spectacular sunset and the half moon was watching over us even in the daylight. Hearing Cole say “hi grampa Obie” to the moon just melts my heart.
So back to the playlist, I started to play it as we sat around the RV and then Tyler and I continued listening to it throughout the rest of the evening. It was only when I really listened to the words that I started to fully understand these hidden gems that he had left us. I’ve included a link to the Spotify playlist below if you want to check it out. It is his final love letter and I will cherish it always.
Today as I was driving home from the blood donation, I recalled one of the messages from my soul session last week which was about listening to music with the windows down and the wind blowing through my hair. At the time, “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing. For the thousands of times I’ve heard that song (thanks Obie), I don’t know that I realized it was about someone leaving. Sure, the chorus is about the free bird that will not change, but the context is about leaving. So, I’m driving down the highway, opening the sun roof, contemplating the new meaning to this song. As the sunroof opens, I look up and there’s the bright half moon shining down at me (at 4:00 pm in the afternoon). It just made me laugh, I can’t make this shit up!
As I was nearing home, I got a call from the cemetery letting me know that the engraving on our niche was completed now that the weather has been better. I decided to head that way to check it out, still listening to his playlist. As I was driving into the cemetery, “Here Comes My Girl” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came on. Yes, Obie, here comes your girl to check on one of your final resting places. It just made me smile.
Over the last week, I have felt a sense of peace that I have not had to this point. I’m sure there are many factors at play and I’m not going to overanalyze it. I also know there will be rough times ahead, but I’m enjoying the calm for now. I’m going to continue seeing the soul doula for the next three months as I want to pursue that pathway and see where it takes me. I am thankful to my family and friends who are holding me as we navigate these many “firsts without Obie”. I hope you also smile as you listen to Obie’s songs.
Enjoy! Obie’s Celebration of Life Playlist (on Spotify)
PS: there are few songs on there that were just his favorites, I’m choosing to not take them all literally. You’ll know what I mean when you listen…